Sandbox Rule #1: Mind Your Manners

I recently worked on a project for which I needed to compile information from a number of different sources.  This information is not easily rendered, so I chose to employ my weapons of charm and politeness, and it got me thinking.  All of my "pleases" and "thank yous" seemed redundant and time-consuming, however I am happy to say that I received more information in the last few days than we have in months.  I can only imagine that taking time to be polite actually paid off.

One of the first things that we learn about interacting with our peers is to mind our manners.  I am even teaching my 14-month-old how to make a noise when I hand her something (I interpret the little grunt as her way of saying "thank you" - awww).  We can improve our relationships so much if we respect and recognize the fundamentals of communication that we learned as youngsters.

Please.  "Please" is a way to express that you respect the time and effort it takes for someone to help you.  It softens the directive, and implies that you are asking for help rather than demanding it.

Thank you.  To say "thank you" at the start is to advance your gratitude, which will help your recipient feel appreciated before she even begins.  I am more likely to work with you if you recognize that my help is valuable.  Even more powerful is "thank you" after the task is complete.  It is so wonderful to have worked on a project with someone, and hear those words after all is said and done.  Just pausing to show your gratitude after the fact illustrates that you have taken the time to reflect on the partnership, and you appreciate the collaborative effort.

When you slow down enough to use your manners, it is amazing what you can accomplish.  Your approach is softer, your request is more reasonable, and you are appreciative for the input.  What better way to work together?  I challenge you to read through your emails and add your magic words before you hit send - you may be surprised at the positive tone of the response, and you are already building better relationships (think: future favors).

They don't call 'em "magic words" for nothin'!

Big Picture - Little Parts

I want to explain something to a client without sounding like I am speaking in tongues, and in the clearest, most basic way possible. I want to help this client adopt my perspective on the situation at hand. How do I structure my description in a way that will paint a picture for them without "dumbing-down" the information?

I call it Microscoping the Idea: I explain the information in a general sense, break it down to explain all of the details, and then build those details back together into the big idea. In theory, I put the general information under a microscope, and then zoom out again. This allows my audience to explore all of the pieces that compose the big idea, become intimately familiar with them, and understand the idea's fundamentals.

For my own preparation, I need to establish perspective about the topic before I can break it down for the client. I will try to take a step back, and develop the overall goal or purpose. Rather than focusing on the parts, I will paint the bigger picture first. Consider the above Lego(R) sculpture by artist Nathan Sawaya. In order to design the piece, he needed to first envision the finished body, scale and proportion.

Then, I look at the building blocks - the pieces or steps that will make up the big idea. The Lego bricks, if you will. Allow me to use an example: I would like to train someone on how to use new software. Rather than launching immediately into how to use the functions, I start with why we chose this particular software. I explain how the software will help our productivity, and what it has to offer us that is different than our previous process. Only then can I begin to talk through how to use the tool, but here again, I begin with the main menu; what each button means on the menu, and how these are useful. Then, one by one, we dive deeper into each function/button until we get to the actual data entry. Zoom out to the main menu again, and then into another function and so on.

Now that you know the detail of my method, let's zoom out and look at the theory as a whole again. The idea is to systematically break down your concept, separate it into individual pieces, categorize and explore the pieces, and then build the concept back up. The client's new understanding on a fundamental level allows her to better use the concept as a tool, fight for it, and believe in it. That is what you are after when explaining yourself; you're convincing your listener that your idea is a success.

| Photo credit: The Brick Artist(TM) |

Are You Even Listening?

"It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super-sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners."

-Erma Bombeck (1971)

Our methods of communication have evolved so much since 1971, and still we see the same one-sidedness.  Clear and effective communication is a dialogue, in which one person always plays the part of the listener.  You can be very explicit with your words, but unless your audience is truly listening, you will have trouble getting your point across. 

You can encourage strong listeners in your team if you yourself take the time to listen.  If you are a patient listener during a conversation, ask questions and consider your response, you will receive the same respect in return.  Listening really is about respect; you are giving your full attention to another person, demonstrating that their commentary is the most important thing at that moment.  Your attention to them will reinforce your relationship, and it will allow you to examine the subject thoroughly.

In One Ear, Out the Other
I have found myself in situations where the person to whom I am speaking is constantly distracted and unengaged in the conversation.  I wind up repeating myself, recapping the conversation in an email, and needing to send reminders about the actionable items that we agreed upon.  The view from my side is frustrating, and I cannot imagine that the other person deems my ideas valuable.

I would much prefer to have a reciprocal discussion, and leave with full comprehension of my role and my next steps.  In this case, neither of us would need further management to fulfill our obligations, and our productivity would benefit from our ability to take responsibility and work independently. 

You can affect your position and your relationships in the same way, immediately.  Open your ears to another speaker, and increase your understanding.  You may find that their ideas help you and your situation more than you had anticipated.

| Photo credit: CD Baby |

Powerful, Practical Positivity

It always amazes me how powerful optimism can be.  When you spin your words positively, your outlook changes and you tend to think in the affirmative rather than the negative.  Your positive attitude transfers to your co-workers or your family and friends, who then begin to think positively about their own situations.  Contagious and addictive, optimism is a powerful tool.  The trick is to change your outlook at the start.

If you listen to the words that come out of your mouth, you may find that even "non-complaints" take on a negative tone.  Often the tone itself makes the comment sound like a complaint, even if you are stating mere fact.  Here is an example:

"My meat is overcooked.  I asked for it rare, but it doesn't even have a tint of pink in the center."

If you use the same sentiment, but take a positive spin on the words themselves, you wind up with:

"I believe that I asked for my meat cooked rare, and it looks overcooked."

Instead of focusing attention on what you did not receive, you turn your audience's attention to the straight facts: the original request and the result.  The first example can be construed as a complaint, while the second can be interpreted as a statement.

Listen to your co-workers and friends.  Do you hear the difference between a true complaint and a comment posed in a critical way?  When someone complains constantly, you tend to tune them out, or absorb some of their negativity.  Like positivity, negativity is also contagious, and it spreads rampantly.  When one person in the office complains about how stressed she is, she wears her stress out on her sleeve.  Others in the office will see that, feel the pressure themselves, and so they will adopt a stressed mentality as well.  If, however the stressor is actually energized by her workload, using Adrenaline to her advantage, her energy will transfer to the office, and others will begin to bounce around their workloads as well.

Karl Staib of Work Happy Now explains his experience in his blog series, "No Complaining."  Karl referenced the site A Complaint Free World, and for 30 days, he listened to his words, used positives instead of negatives, and refrained from co-complaining with others for the sake of empathy.  In his final post, Karl explains that his mindset has changed for the better, and he has seen a change in how others regard him.

A happy office is a productive office, so it pays to take an extra moment to spin your words toward optimism.  If you keep an eye on it, you will see a change in your overall mood in the office.

| Photo credit: Have-A-Nice-Day.org |

A Long Post About Short Words

In our on-the-go society, the latest way to communicate is through abbreviated words and acronyms. These methods of shorthand are very convenient and efficient; you can convey a lot of information with very little text. Unfortunately, we run into the issue that the information itself is not always clear. When you use acronyms or shorthand, you must assume that the reader understands what your code words mean.

Acronyms can be industry-specific (SQL) or universal (USA). Often, we develop the acronym to resonate when spoken, and somehow reference that which it describes (TARP is an acronym for Troubled Assets Relief Program which is the 2008 US stimulus package in response to the subprime mortgage crisis; the pronounced word "tarp" is a waterproofed canvas used to cover something up or squelch a fire). We have also adopted some acronyms into our lexicon as the name for the thing itself (laser, radar, ATM, PIN).

When you utilize an abbreviation to explain your intent, it is your responsibility as the writer/speaker to make sure that your audience is already educated about its full meaning. If the initials are used in our everyday language, this is usually not a problem. When speaking on an industry-specific level, however, you cannot assume that your audience is already fully knowledgeable. On formal documentation, you may benefit from detailing the meaning of the initials when you first use them:

The Fine Art show was on display at SFMOMA (San Francisco Museum of Modern Art).

... and then you can feel free to use only the acronym throughout the remainder of the document:

The collection began it's tour in New York, and then traveled to SFMOMA last month.

Without a brief explanation at the start, the use of acronyms tends to elevate the conversation above the general audience. Only those directly involved with the programs discussed will
understand, thus blocking out most of the audience who may be involved in your conversation. It can be viewed as an elitist approach, as if you are speaking a foreign language in front of others.

Similarly, shorthand derived from wireless texting (Text Message Shorthand) has found its way into professional communication. More and more, I see emails written with a shortened greeting, the use of initials rather than a full name, or notes written entirely in shortened text (I am guilty of this myself). Many of the abbreviations used in wireless texting have multiple meanings depending upon the context, or are so new to the digital language that they are not widely recognized. Emails written in short also take on a much more intimate, personal and lax characteristic, removing any professionalism that you may have intended. When coupled with the use of acronyms for hyper-shorthand, the result might be entirely unintelligible.

AFAIU Bob & Mary 8 P-ZA 2DAY @ SFMOMA - TAFN TTUL!

I am entirely in favor of streamlining your communication and making your conversations in the digital age more efficient. I just caution you to use your acronyms and shorthand carefully so that your audience will actually understand what you mean. If you have to explain yourself, you defeat the purpose of shortening your communication in the first place.

| Photo credit: ThadGuy.com |
| Noteworthy post: BlogHarbor |