Spit it out, already!

With so much connectivity available right now, it is amazing that we humans aren't hard-wired to communicate clearly from our first words. Children learn to ask for exactly what they want, when they want it. Why do adults beat around the bush, pepper their opinions with softeners, and demure when confronted about what they are actually saying?

Over-stimulation. There are so many different ways to say what we mean, that we are obliged to use complicated words. We think it makes us look smart and sophisticated, but I wonder how many smart sophisticated people are actually satisfied with what they have.

With so many vehicles to express ourselves, our voices get lost. When you only have 140 characters, you just can't be wishy-washy. And yet emails, posts and communication in general is still bogged down by wordy phrasing.

I have recently realized that I do this (who me?), and I am making an effort to stay short and sweet in every way I communicate. I can't say I am the best at it, but we all have to work to clear our vocabularies and find the right words to say what we need to say.

In a world where it is so easy to talk/text/type to one another, it is even more important to be clear and concise with our words. I am trying to be better, and I'll let you know how it goes.

The end.

QwotPost

I am starting a new series: QwotPost. I enjoy quotes, and so I plan to share some with you as they relate to my core values. Short posts... enjoy!

What it truly means to Listen:

"I hear the words, the thoughts, the feeling tones, the personal meaning, even the meaning that is below the conscious intent of the speaker. Sometimes too, in a message which superficially is not very important, I hear a deep human cry that lies buried and unknown far below the surface of the person.
So I have learned to ask myself, can I hear the sounds and sense the shape of this other person's inner world? Can I resonate to what he is saying so deeply that I sense the meanings he is afraid of, yet would like to communicate, as well as those he knows?"
-Carl R. Rogers, Experiences in Communication

| Quote Credit: Quoteland |

Salad with a Spoon

The mini-rebellion - a mild form of office deception intended to undermine authority, and make you feel better about some little irritation. The trouble is that the mini-rebellion is a little irritation all its own. Take for example the Fork Fiasco in my office. We use metal utensils in my office because we are graced with a kitchenette, complete with a dishwasher. The trouble though, is that in the last few months, every fork has somehow walked out the door. Now, this seems a little ridiculous, but think about trying to eat a salad with a spoon... It is a small enough problem not to cause a real stir in the office, but annoying enough to irk a few people: mini-rebellion.

Whomever decided to steal all of the forks did so slowly and stealthily so as to avoid exposure. Part of me wonders if it is a conspiracy aimed at trying to get us all to use our hands to eat, or if the offender is merely trying to prove a point (we have a little issue with said dishwasher). Nevertheless, we are fork-free at the moment, scrounging for plastic utensils and even using chopsticks at times.

I am not condoning this behavior, but I have known the mini-rebellion to be employed in times of distress. When the day-to-day irritations are addressed continually without resolution, often we are left with no where to turn. The issues are so small that they should not go to management or HR, but they are consistent enough to disrupt our workflow. With no recourse, often the tendency is to rebel. No one wants to jeopardize his or her position or reputation, so the rebellions are little and usually equally annoying to the original conflict.

I have to say that rebelling in any way is probably a bad idea, but a little workplace deception makes the day spicy. Just please, take a second to think of the consequences before you devise your plan - we're eating with spoons and chopsticks for pete's sake!

Leave a comment and share a mini-rebellion from your past - I'd love to hear your fork stories!

| Photo credit: Zazzle |

Signed and Sealed... Forever

If I get myself in a confrontation with a colleague, I find myself managing the conversation rather than thinking and saying what will help me explain myself. I am agreeable or complacent in order to get myself out of the uncomfortable situation, or defensive and emotional about the situation. When I am alone and thinking about what just happened, I realize that I had a whole slew of things to say then, and even more things to say now. Most of this is the emotional reaction I am having to the confrontation, and not really how I want to handle it, but these feelings tend to bubble up and explode if I am not careful.

My solution? Write a letter. Write the letter using the words you want to use, the tone you want to use, and let your emotions come out on paper. This is the best way to get your words and frustration out before you explode and damage your own reputation.

Never send the letter. You can go as far as hand-writing it and putting a stamp on it, or typing up the email, but never ever send this letter! Your emotions have gotten the best of you at this point and you should never approach your colleagues with your emotion in the forefront. Instead, write the email with no address in the header, and then leave it in your draft folder. Or write the letter, fold it and put it in the envelope with no address on the outside. Do whatever you need to get the words out, but do not send the letter.

Go back and re-read your thoughts. After some time - a few days or a few hours - go back and take a look at your letter. I guarantee that you will not feel as upset now as you did at that moment. The exercise worked! You had the opportunity to say all of the things that you needed to say, but did not cause further conflict or damage to your career because you were able to control your emotions and keep them to yourself.

This is an excellent exercise and will help you to maneuver through the roller-coaster relationships in the office. Keep in mind that you spend at least 1/3 of your life with your co-workers, so you have to learn to play nice together in the sandbox. The best way that you can control your reactions is to let them out privately, and then take a step away and consider the root of your reaction. You will find that you can identify what truly upset you at the time, and hopefully find a way to deal with it professionally and without emotions getting in the way of what you want and need to say.

Here is an interesting tool from Life Coach Maia if you need help getting your words on paper: All About Life Coaching

| Photo Credit: National Archives |

Sandbox Rule #1: Mind Your Manners

I recently worked on a project for which I needed to compile information from a number of different sources.  This information is not easily rendered, so I chose to employ my weapons of charm and politeness, and it got me thinking.  All of my "pleases" and "thank yous" seemed redundant and time-consuming, however I am happy to say that I received more information in the last few days than we have in months.  I can only imagine that taking time to be polite actually paid off.

One of the first things that we learn about interacting with our peers is to mind our manners.  I am even teaching my 14-month-old how to make a noise when I hand her something (I interpret the little grunt as her way of saying "thank you" - awww).  We can improve our relationships so much if we respect and recognize the fundamentals of communication that we learned as youngsters.

Please.  "Please" is a way to express that you respect the time and effort it takes for someone to help you.  It softens the directive, and implies that you are asking for help rather than demanding it.

Thank you.  To say "thank you" at the start is to advance your gratitude, which will help your recipient feel appreciated before she even begins.  I am more likely to work with you if you recognize that my help is valuable.  Even more powerful is "thank you" after the task is complete.  It is so wonderful to have worked on a project with someone, and hear those words after all is said and done.  Just pausing to show your gratitude after the fact illustrates that you have taken the time to reflect on the partnership, and you appreciate the collaborative effort.

When you slow down enough to use your manners, it is amazing what you can accomplish.  Your approach is softer, your request is more reasonable, and you are appreciative for the input.  What better way to work together?  I challenge you to read through your emails and add your magic words before you hit send - you may be surprised at the positive tone of the response, and you are already building better relationships (think: future favors).

They don't call 'em "magic words" for nothin'!

Big Picture - Little Parts

I want to explain something to a client without sounding like I am speaking in tongues, and in the clearest, most basic way possible. I want to help this client adopt my perspective on the situation at hand. How do I structure my description in a way that will paint a picture for them without "dumbing-down" the information?

I call it Microscoping the Idea: I explain the information in a general sense, break it down to explain all of the details, and then build those details back together into the big idea. In theory, I put the general information under a microscope, and then zoom out again. This allows my audience to explore all of the pieces that compose the big idea, become intimately familiar with them, and understand the idea's fundamentals.

For my own preparation, I need to establish perspective about the topic before I can break it down for the client. I will try to take a step back, and develop the overall goal or purpose. Rather than focusing on the parts, I will paint the bigger picture first. Consider the above Lego(R) sculpture by artist Nathan Sawaya. In order to design the piece, he needed to first envision the finished body, scale and proportion.

Then, I look at the building blocks - the pieces or steps that will make up the big idea. The Lego bricks, if you will. Allow me to use an example: I would like to train someone on how to use new software. Rather than launching immediately into how to use the functions, I start with why we chose this particular software. I explain how the software will help our productivity, and what it has to offer us that is different than our previous process. Only then can I begin to talk through how to use the tool, but here again, I begin with the main menu; what each button means on the menu, and how these are useful. Then, one by one, we dive deeper into each function/button until we get to the actual data entry. Zoom out to the main menu again, and then into another function and so on.

Now that you know the detail of my method, let's zoom out and look at the theory as a whole again. The idea is to systematically break down your concept, separate it into individual pieces, categorize and explore the pieces, and then build the concept back up. The client's new understanding on a fundamental level allows her to better use the concept as a tool, fight for it, and believe in it. That is what you are after when explaining yourself; you're convincing your listener that your idea is a success.

| Photo credit: The Brick Artist(TM) |

Are You Even Listening?

"It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super-sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners."

-Erma Bombeck (1971)

Our methods of communication have evolved so much since 1971, and still we see the same one-sidedness.  Clear and effective communication is a dialogue, in which one person always plays the part of the listener.  You can be very explicit with your words, but unless your audience is truly listening, you will have trouble getting your point across. 

You can encourage strong listeners in your team if you yourself take the time to listen.  If you are a patient listener during a conversation, ask questions and consider your response, you will receive the same respect in return.  Listening really is about respect; you are giving your full attention to another person, demonstrating that their commentary is the most important thing at that moment.  Your attention to them will reinforce your relationship, and it will allow you to examine the subject thoroughly.

In One Ear, Out the Other
I have found myself in situations where the person to whom I am speaking is constantly distracted and unengaged in the conversation.  I wind up repeating myself, recapping the conversation in an email, and needing to send reminders about the actionable items that we agreed upon.  The view from my side is frustrating, and I cannot imagine that the other person deems my ideas valuable.

I would much prefer to have a reciprocal discussion, and leave with full comprehension of my role and my next steps.  In this case, neither of us would need further management to fulfill our obligations, and our productivity would benefit from our ability to take responsibility and work independently. 

You can affect your position and your relationships in the same way, immediately.  Open your ears to another speaker, and increase your understanding.  You may find that their ideas help you and your situation more than you had anticipated.

| Photo credit: CD Baby |

Powerful, Practical Positivity

It always amazes me how powerful optimism can be.  When you spin your words positively, your outlook changes and you tend to think in the affirmative rather than the negative.  Your positive attitude transfers to your co-workers or your family and friends, who then begin to think positively about their own situations.  Contagious and addictive, optimism is a powerful tool.  The trick is to change your outlook at the start.

If you listen to the words that come out of your mouth, you may find that even "non-complaints" take on a negative tone.  Often the tone itself makes the comment sound like a complaint, even if you are stating mere fact.  Here is an example:

"My meat is overcooked.  I asked for it rare, but it doesn't even have a tint of pink in the center."

If you use the same sentiment, but take a positive spin on the words themselves, you wind up with:

"I believe that I asked for my meat cooked rare, and it looks overcooked."

Instead of focusing attention on what you did not receive, you turn your audience's attention to the straight facts: the original request and the result.  The first example can be construed as a complaint, while the second can be interpreted as a statement.

Listen to your co-workers and friends.  Do you hear the difference between a true complaint and a comment posed in a critical way?  When someone complains constantly, you tend to tune them out, or absorb some of their negativity.  Like positivity, negativity is also contagious, and it spreads rampantly.  When one person in the office complains about how stressed she is, she wears her stress out on her sleeve.  Others in the office will see that, feel the pressure themselves, and so they will adopt a stressed mentality as well.  If, however the stressor is actually energized by her workload, using Adrenaline to her advantage, her energy will transfer to the office, and others will begin to bounce around their workloads as well.

Karl Staib of Work Happy Now explains his experience in his blog series, "No Complaining."  Karl referenced the site A Complaint Free World, and for 30 days, he listened to his words, used positives instead of negatives, and refrained from co-complaining with others for the sake of empathy.  In his final post, Karl explains that his mindset has changed for the better, and he has seen a change in how others regard him.

A happy office is a productive office, so it pays to take an extra moment to spin your words toward optimism.  If you keep an eye on it, you will see a change in your overall mood in the office.

| Photo credit: Have-A-Nice-Day.org |

A Long Post About Short Words

In our on-the-go society, the latest way to communicate is through abbreviated words and acronyms. These methods of shorthand are very convenient and efficient; you can convey a lot of information with very little text. Unfortunately, we run into the issue that the information itself is not always clear. When you use acronyms or shorthand, you must assume that the reader understands what your code words mean.

Acronyms can be industry-specific (SQL) or universal (USA). Often, we develop the acronym to resonate when spoken, and somehow reference that which it describes (TARP is an acronym for Troubled Assets Relief Program which is the 2008 US stimulus package in response to the subprime mortgage crisis; the pronounced word "tarp" is a waterproofed canvas used to cover something up or squelch a fire). We have also adopted some acronyms into our lexicon as the name for the thing itself (laser, radar, ATM, PIN).

When you utilize an abbreviation to explain your intent, it is your responsibility as the writer/speaker to make sure that your audience is already educated about its full meaning. If the initials are used in our everyday language, this is usually not a problem. When speaking on an industry-specific level, however, you cannot assume that your audience is already fully knowledgeable. On formal documentation, you may benefit from detailing the meaning of the initials when you first use them:

The Fine Art show was on display at SFMOMA (San Francisco Museum of Modern Art).

... and then you can feel free to use only the acronym throughout the remainder of the document:

The collection began it's tour in New York, and then traveled to SFMOMA last month.

Without a brief explanation at the start, the use of acronyms tends to elevate the conversation above the general audience. Only those directly involved with the programs discussed will
understand, thus blocking out most of the audience who may be involved in your conversation. It can be viewed as an elitist approach, as if you are speaking a foreign language in front of others.

Similarly, shorthand derived from wireless texting (Text Message Shorthand) has found its way into professional communication. More and more, I see emails written with a shortened greeting, the use of initials rather than a full name, or notes written entirely in shortened text (I am guilty of this myself). Many of the abbreviations used in wireless texting have multiple meanings depending upon the context, or are so new to the digital language that they are not widely recognized. Emails written in short also take on a much more intimate, personal and lax characteristic, removing any professionalism that you may have intended. When coupled with the use of acronyms for hyper-shorthand, the result might be entirely unintelligible.

AFAIU Bob & Mary 8 P-ZA 2DAY @ SFMOMA - TAFN TTUL!

I am entirely in favor of streamlining your communication and making your conversations in the digital age more efficient. I just caution you to use your acronyms and shorthand carefully so that your audience will actually understand what you mean. If you have to explain yourself, you defeat the purpose of shortening your communication in the first place.

| Photo credit: ThadGuy.com |
| Noteworthy post: BlogHarbor |

NO I'M NOT YELLING (now I'm yelling!)

Contrary to what the format suggests, email communication is very sensitive. Your words and all of the space and punctuation between are taken literally and seriously. It is important that you recognize this when using email as a communication tool.

Developed for fast, specific, short-handed written communication, email has evolved into a measure for professionalism and has become a surrogate for actual verbal conversation. This being said, when you write an email, the recipient will often regard the words on-screen the same as your spoken words in a conversation. Fonts and punctuation become important markers for identifying the author's intent. Since we cannot discern emotion or vocal volume/inflection, we must use the words themselves to interpret feeling.

A good example of this is the use of ALL CAPS in an email body or subject. Just the visual appearance of all capital letters sends up a red flag that the writer is upset. Perhaps without intention, the use of all caps sets a negative tone for the email, and puts the reader in a defensive position before she even reads the first word. Similarly, all capitals can suggest a raised voice or a disciplinary stance.

A more subtle instance of implied emotion occurs with punctuation use. A comma is perceived as a pause, professional and thoughtful. A period signifies the end. It may bring closure to a thought, or truncate that thought abruptly. Exclamation points infuse extreme happiness or excitement into your statement, while a question mark implies ignorance about the true answer to the question asked. A dash between words severs a thought mid-way - ellipses (...) require the reader to complete the thought on her own...

Consider the following examples:

PLEASE WORK ON THIS TASK.
THANK YOU.

Please work on this task. Thanks!

Please work on this task.
Thank you,
Kate

Please work on this task...

Please work on this task - thanks.

As you may notice, each example presents it's own subtle, but unique emotional signature.

Be mindful of your implied tone in emails; not only does your email put your thoughts into words, but it also sets the stage for how those words are interpreted. I recommend reading the email aloud to yourself before hitting "send". Your voice may follow the visual cues, which will allow you the chance to modify the text so that it suits your real intent. You have no control over the reader's actual interpretation, but you can do your best to set the correct tone ahead of time.

Thanks!!
-Kate

Phoning It In

The hierarchy of communication at the corporate level is a professional game of Telephone. As a manager, I find myself receiving updates about new processes, new projects or new ideas, and relaying the same to my team. The difference is in my delivery: I usually try to consider the new information before I pass it on so that I might use my own words in my explanation. This also helps me prepare for any questions or concerns that may arise.

Sometimes, when the matter is urgent, I deliver the news in the same way that I received it, without taking the time to review. In this case, my words are not my own, uneasy and often confused, and I leave my team with more unanswered questions than they had at the start. Because I did not take the time to translate my manager's words into my own, I did not fully understand them. My lack of understanding transferred to my team; a game of corporate telephone.

As a manager, you must be careful about the way you describe the "wisdom from above." It is vital that you develop, refine, and constantly use your own voice to deliver information. Your team will respect you since you can tailor your delivery to ensure that everyone understands as well as you do, and answer any questions on the fly. Likewise, you will find that you are able to use that voice when speaking with your own superiors and peers. Your voice will carry above others who simply relay their managers' messages without another thought. You will have the chance to ask questions yourself and perhaps influence the new idea before it hits the newsstands. Your superiors will know you for your voice, and your eagerness to understand. It shows that you are confident enough in the information to reword it for the masses. Rather than a game of telephone, you are opening the lines of communication, and your coworkers will thank you for that.

So, test your vocal chords, and stop using that telephone.
-Kate

Straight from the Horse's Email...

I always say that it is better to speak to someone directly when having a communication issue rather than emailing or writing a note. Emails have a tendency to remove all intention, which opens the door for the reader to interpret whatever emotion or meaning they think comes through the email. It can make for very lengthy email volleys, resulting in a massive miscommunication, bruised egos and hurt feelings.

However, there are some instances where addressing an issue via email is more effective than an in-person confrontation. This depends upon the situation and the recipient of your address, but can provide a buffer of time and space to allow the recipient time to react and think about the issue. I recently experienced an instance when I received an explosive emotional reaction in person, when I expected a very dry, indifferent response. In retrospect, I would have preferred to document the situation in an email, and allow the recipient time to process my concerns. Instead, my words came across as an attack, forcing her to defend and react, rather than consider the situation in full and respond.

It is tough to judge when it is appropriate to resolve conflicts face-to-face or through written correspondence. Take into consideration the issue at hand, and how it will affect the other party's ability to carry on. If it is a small issue of little consequence, but one that needs to be addressed, perhaps it is better to mention in an email. My example above is case in point. If, however, the issue is ongoing or one that may have great consequence for either of you, you must respect the weight of the problem, get in a room, and work it out together.

This is part of management and working closely with others; you have to gauge the situation and each individual’s personality in order to effectively communicate with him or her. It takes extra effort to change your approach for each instance, but will benefit your communication in the long run.

Food for thought...

-Kate

Hello and welcome!

I’ve been reading a blog lately about how to improve happiness at work, and it has inspired me to get off my duff and start a blog of my own. I have been threatening to do this for some time, and it feels good to finally get it going. In the spirit of emerging on the blog scene (albeit a bit late in the trend), I want to outline for you my principals and goals for the writing I will share with you as we go.

• Everything boils down to communication, good or bad. Every issue; war, tiff, promotion, anything involving more than one human; is directly caused or influenced by our ability to communicate clearly. If you approach any challenge with this in mind, you are already one step ahead of the problem because you will proactively try to communicate clearly.
• Vegetables to Careers – try everything once. I firmly believe that most ideas have some merit, and that you cannot fully judge an idea’s success without first giving it a shot. Perhaps you can learn something about the issue at hand even if you try an unsuccessful solution. Perhaps, by trying broccoli, you find that you like the taste but not the texture. This will better inform your vegetable choices in the future, and the same holds true in our work lives. It may not be the solution that you had envisioned, but to try another person’s idea may inform your decision-making down the line.
• Share your success with others – hence the blog! What better way to make the world a happy place than to share your accomplishments so that others may find a similar success. In a capitalist nation, it is easy to hide your success story in an effort to keep a leg-up on the competition. Communication skills must be shared, however, in order to work effectively. One person can communicate clearly, but unless the whole team understands one another, that person will run into a wall at some point. Show and Tell – it worked in Kindergarten, why not in adulthood?

Believe it or not, my background is in the Fine Arts. I have always been a Left-Brained Artist (a contradiction, in other words), so after leaving school with my Masters in Fine Art, what to do with my life? I am here now as an Operations Manager, supervising a team of 4, and loving every minute of it. I thrive on the teaching, the organizing, the conflict resolution, the problem solving… and yes, the communication analysis.

So my hope is that you will enjoy my brief yet regular posts about anything I can share, in an effort to improve your ability to communicate within your own life. Please join me in my endeavors and feel free to comment, guest-post and network.

Cheers!
-Kate