Signed and Sealed... Forever

If I get myself in a confrontation with a colleague, I find myself managing the conversation rather than thinking and saying what will help me explain myself. I am agreeable or complacent in order to get myself out of the uncomfortable situation, or defensive and emotional about the situation. When I am alone and thinking about what just happened, I realize that I had a whole slew of things to say then, and even more things to say now. Most of this is the emotional reaction I am having to the confrontation, and not really how I want to handle it, but these feelings tend to bubble up and explode if I am not careful.

My solution? Write a letter. Write the letter using the words you want to use, the tone you want to use, and let your emotions come out on paper. This is the best way to get your words and frustration out before you explode and damage your own reputation.

Never send the letter. You can go as far as hand-writing it and putting a stamp on it, or typing up the email, but never ever send this letter! Your emotions have gotten the best of you at this point and you should never approach your colleagues with your emotion in the forefront. Instead, write the email with no address in the header, and then leave it in your draft folder. Or write the letter, fold it and put it in the envelope with no address on the outside. Do whatever you need to get the words out, but do not send the letter.

Go back and re-read your thoughts. After some time - a few days or a few hours - go back and take a look at your letter. I guarantee that you will not feel as upset now as you did at that moment. The exercise worked! You had the opportunity to say all of the things that you needed to say, but did not cause further conflict or damage to your career because you were able to control your emotions and keep them to yourself.

This is an excellent exercise and will help you to maneuver through the roller-coaster relationships in the office. Keep in mind that you spend at least 1/3 of your life with your co-workers, so you have to learn to play nice together in the sandbox. The best way that you can control your reactions is to let them out privately, and then take a step away and consider the root of your reaction. You will find that you can identify what truly upset you at the time, and hopefully find a way to deal with it professionally and without emotions getting in the way of what you want and need to say.

Here is an interesting tool from Life Coach Maia if you need help getting your words on paper: All About Life Coaching

| Photo Credit: National Archives |