Spit it out, already!

With so much connectivity available right now, it is amazing that we humans aren't hard-wired to communicate clearly from our first words. Children learn to ask for exactly what they want, when they want it. Why do adults beat around the bush, pepper their opinions with softeners, and demure when confronted about what they are actually saying?

Over-stimulation. There are so many different ways to say what we mean, that we are obliged to use complicated words. We think it makes us look smart and sophisticated, but I wonder how many smart sophisticated people are actually satisfied with what they have.

With so many vehicles to express ourselves, our voices get lost. When you only have 140 characters, you just can't be wishy-washy. And yet emails, posts and communication in general is still bogged down by wordy phrasing.

I have recently realized that I do this (who me?), and I am making an effort to stay short and sweet in every way I communicate. I can't say I am the best at it, but we all have to work to clear our vocabularies and find the right words to say what we need to say.

In a world where it is so easy to talk/text/type to one another, it is even more important to be clear and concise with our words. I am trying to be better, and I'll let you know how it goes.

The end.

QwotPost

I am starting a new series: QwotPost. I enjoy quotes, and so I plan to share some with you as they relate to my core values. Short posts... enjoy!

What it truly means to Listen:

"I hear the words, the thoughts, the feeling tones, the personal meaning, even the meaning that is below the conscious intent of the speaker. Sometimes too, in a message which superficially is not very important, I hear a deep human cry that lies buried and unknown far below the surface of the person.
So I have learned to ask myself, can I hear the sounds and sense the shape of this other person's inner world? Can I resonate to what he is saying so deeply that I sense the meanings he is afraid of, yet would like to communicate, as well as those he knows?"
-Carl R. Rogers, Experiences in Communication

| Quote Credit: Quoteland |

Salad with a Spoon

The mini-rebellion - a mild form of office deception intended to undermine authority, and make you feel better about some little irritation. The trouble is that the mini-rebellion is a little irritation all its own. Take for example the Fork Fiasco in my office. We use metal utensils in my office because we are graced with a kitchenette, complete with a dishwasher. The trouble though, is that in the last few months, every fork has somehow walked out the door. Now, this seems a little ridiculous, but think about trying to eat a salad with a spoon... It is a small enough problem not to cause a real stir in the office, but annoying enough to irk a few people: mini-rebellion.

Whomever decided to steal all of the forks did so slowly and stealthily so as to avoid exposure. Part of me wonders if it is a conspiracy aimed at trying to get us all to use our hands to eat, or if the offender is merely trying to prove a point (we have a little issue with said dishwasher). Nevertheless, we are fork-free at the moment, scrounging for plastic utensils and even using chopsticks at times.

I am not condoning this behavior, but I have known the mini-rebellion to be employed in times of distress. When the day-to-day irritations are addressed continually without resolution, often we are left with no where to turn. The issues are so small that they should not go to management or HR, but they are consistent enough to disrupt our workflow. With no recourse, often the tendency is to rebel. No one wants to jeopardize his or her position or reputation, so the rebellions are little and usually equally annoying to the original conflict.

I have to say that rebelling in any way is probably a bad idea, but a little workplace deception makes the day spicy. Just please, take a second to think of the consequences before you devise your plan - we're eating with spoons and chopsticks for pete's sake!

Leave a comment and share a mini-rebellion from your past - I'd love to hear your fork stories!

| Photo credit: Zazzle |

Signed and Sealed... Forever

If I get myself in a confrontation with a colleague, I find myself managing the conversation rather than thinking and saying what will help me explain myself. I am agreeable or complacent in order to get myself out of the uncomfortable situation, or defensive and emotional about the situation. When I am alone and thinking about what just happened, I realize that I had a whole slew of things to say then, and even more things to say now. Most of this is the emotional reaction I am having to the confrontation, and not really how I want to handle it, but these feelings tend to bubble up and explode if I am not careful.

My solution? Write a letter. Write the letter using the words you want to use, the tone you want to use, and let your emotions come out on paper. This is the best way to get your words and frustration out before you explode and damage your own reputation.

Never send the letter. You can go as far as hand-writing it and putting a stamp on it, or typing up the email, but never ever send this letter! Your emotions have gotten the best of you at this point and you should never approach your colleagues with your emotion in the forefront. Instead, write the email with no address in the header, and then leave it in your draft folder. Or write the letter, fold it and put it in the envelope with no address on the outside. Do whatever you need to get the words out, but do not send the letter.

Go back and re-read your thoughts. After some time - a few days or a few hours - go back and take a look at your letter. I guarantee that you will not feel as upset now as you did at that moment. The exercise worked! You had the opportunity to say all of the things that you needed to say, but did not cause further conflict or damage to your career because you were able to control your emotions and keep them to yourself.

This is an excellent exercise and will help you to maneuver through the roller-coaster relationships in the office. Keep in mind that you spend at least 1/3 of your life with your co-workers, so you have to learn to play nice together in the sandbox. The best way that you can control your reactions is to let them out privately, and then take a step away and consider the root of your reaction. You will find that you can identify what truly upset you at the time, and hopefully find a way to deal with it professionally and without emotions getting in the way of what you want and need to say.

Here is an interesting tool from Life Coach Maia if you need help getting your words on paper: All About Life Coaching

| Photo Credit: National Archives |

Sandbox Rule #1: Mind Your Manners

I recently worked on a project for which I needed to compile information from a number of different sources.  This information is not easily rendered, so I chose to employ my weapons of charm and politeness, and it got me thinking.  All of my "pleases" and "thank yous" seemed redundant and time-consuming, however I am happy to say that I received more information in the last few days than we have in months.  I can only imagine that taking time to be polite actually paid off.

One of the first things that we learn about interacting with our peers is to mind our manners.  I am even teaching my 14-month-old how to make a noise when I hand her something (I interpret the little grunt as her way of saying "thank you" - awww).  We can improve our relationships so much if we respect and recognize the fundamentals of communication that we learned as youngsters.

Please.  "Please" is a way to express that you respect the time and effort it takes for someone to help you.  It softens the directive, and implies that you are asking for help rather than demanding it.

Thank you.  To say "thank you" at the start is to advance your gratitude, which will help your recipient feel appreciated before she even begins.  I am more likely to work with you if you recognize that my help is valuable.  Even more powerful is "thank you" after the task is complete.  It is so wonderful to have worked on a project with someone, and hear those words after all is said and done.  Just pausing to show your gratitude after the fact illustrates that you have taken the time to reflect on the partnership, and you appreciate the collaborative effort.

When you slow down enough to use your manners, it is amazing what you can accomplish.  Your approach is softer, your request is more reasonable, and you are appreciative for the input.  What better way to work together?  I challenge you to read through your emails and add your magic words before you hit send - you may be surprised at the positive tone of the response, and you are already building better relationships (think: future favors).

They don't call 'em "magic words" for nothin'!

Big Picture - Little Parts

I want to explain something to a client without sounding like I am speaking in tongues, and in the clearest, most basic way possible. I want to help this client adopt my perspective on the situation at hand. How do I structure my description in a way that will paint a picture for them without "dumbing-down" the information?

I call it Microscoping the Idea: I explain the information in a general sense, break it down to explain all of the details, and then build those details back together into the big idea. In theory, I put the general information under a microscope, and then zoom out again. This allows my audience to explore all of the pieces that compose the big idea, become intimately familiar with them, and understand the idea's fundamentals.

For my own preparation, I need to establish perspective about the topic before I can break it down for the client. I will try to take a step back, and develop the overall goal or purpose. Rather than focusing on the parts, I will paint the bigger picture first. Consider the above Lego(R) sculpture by artist Nathan Sawaya. In order to design the piece, he needed to first envision the finished body, scale and proportion.

Then, I look at the building blocks - the pieces or steps that will make up the big idea. The Lego bricks, if you will. Allow me to use an example: I would like to train someone on how to use new software. Rather than launching immediately into how to use the functions, I start with why we chose this particular software. I explain how the software will help our productivity, and what it has to offer us that is different than our previous process. Only then can I begin to talk through how to use the tool, but here again, I begin with the main menu; what each button means on the menu, and how these are useful. Then, one by one, we dive deeper into each function/button until we get to the actual data entry. Zoom out to the main menu again, and then into another function and so on.

Now that you know the detail of my method, let's zoom out and look at the theory as a whole again. The idea is to systematically break down your concept, separate it into individual pieces, categorize and explore the pieces, and then build the concept back up. The client's new understanding on a fundamental level allows her to better use the concept as a tool, fight for it, and believe in it. That is what you are after when explaining yourself; you're convincing your listener that your idea is a success.

| Photo credit: The Brick Artist(TM) |

Are You Even Listening?

"It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super-sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners."

-Erma Bombeck (1971)

Our methods of communication have evolved so much since 1971, and still we see the same one-sidedness.  Clear and effective communication is a dialogue, in which one person always plays the part of the listener.  You can be very explicit with your words, but unless your audience is truly listening, you will have trouble getting your point across. 

You can encourage strong listeners in your team if you yourself take the time to listen.  If you are a patient listener during a conversation, ask questions and consider your response, you will receive the same respect in return.  Listening really is about respect; you are giving your full attention to another person, demonstrating that their commentary is the most important thing at that moment.  Your attention to them will reinforce your relationship, and it will allow you to examine the subject thoroughly.

In One Ear, Out the Other
I have found myself in situations where the person to whom I am speaking is constantly distracted and unengaged in the conversation.  I wind up repeating myself, recapping the conversation in an email, and needing to send reminders about the actionable items that we agreed upon.  The view from my side is frustrating, and I cannot imagine that the other person deems my ideas valuable.

I would much prefer to have a reciprocal discussion, and leave with full comprehension of my role and my next steps.  In this case, neither of us would need further management to fulfill our obligations, and our productivity would benefit from our ability to take responsibility and work independently. 

You can affect your position and your relationships in the same way, immediately.  Open your ears to another speaker, and increase your understanding.  You may find that their ideas help you and your situation more than you had anticipated.

| Photo credit: CD Baby |